The Oscars and Alba

The 78th Oscars

The Oscars are finally over so this is the last thing I’m going to be writing about them until late February of next year. While the article I wrote two weeks ago was meant to be a satire, it’s sad how much the “Academy” played into my stereotypes during the Oscar broadcast.

It all started with the first speech from George Clooney, in which he proceeded to be proud of his Academy for a laundry list of issues that Hollywood apparently changed the world on. According to Clooney’s speech it was Hollywood not Martin Luthor King who was responsible for fighting social injustice etc. Okay, now I’m just taking pot shots because there is something innately likeable about George Clooney, to the point I was really happy to see him take home the best supporting Oscar award, even if it was a political move to make up for him not winning best director.

The Oscars themselves was sort of a ho-hum experience this year. Jon Stewart made a great host for those that like his brand of slow roll humour (I loved it) but most of Hollywood didn’t seem to get it because he was making fun of them. Oh Hollywood. That, in itself, is why you are so funny. You think you are the smartest and most important people in the world which means that you just can never laugh at yourself.

The best moment, though, was the first moment, in which The Oscar telecast put to screen one of the best opening’s ever.

If you didn’t catch the opening, I urge you to point your Internet browser to www.youtube.com and search “78th Oscar opening” and you will be treated the montage to end all montages. The Academy outdid themselves when a team created a CGI back lot and ripped famous moments out of movies and transposed them into this city. The result is the magic of the movies, the goose bumps you get when you see something that transports you back to your childhood. It’s awesome to see Superman flying through Hollywood, Forrest Gump running through the streets and X-Wings zipping around. A truly magical moment that blew anything the actual Oscar telecast presented, away.


Jessica Alba to Sue Playboy?


In one of the most ironic stories to hit, well, in a long, long time, Jessica Alba is apparently getting ready to sue Playbody. What happened you ask? Well, Playboy repeatedly asked Alba to pose for their “25 Sexiest Celebrities Round Up” (with clothes on, mind you) and Alba, being above Playboy said no.

The story gets interesting, though, when Playboy decided to pretty much ignore Alba and got in contact with Columbia Pictures, the distributors of Into The Blue (her last movie) and used a promotional photo of Alba in a blue bikini on he cover. By law, there really shouldn’t be anything wrong with it as the magazine was using the photo to promote the movie (that’s how it works, you don’t have to pay people to use photo’s if it is for promotional work). It was a tricky run around, though.

Alba, being the virtuous Hollywood good girl now wants all the magazines pulled or she’s going to sue because the magazine was trying to trick people into thinking she was nude inside, or at least, that’s what she thinks.

Lauren Malone, Playboy’s spokeswoman fired back with, "Many celebrities have appeared on the cover of Playboy, but not nude, including Claudia Schiffer, Paris Hilton, Goldie Hawn, Raquel Welch, Barbra Streisand, Brooke Shields and Donald Trump."

So who’s right and who’s wrong? Well, that’s really hard to say. The easiest thing to do, is to take no sides but rather present some facts about Jessica Alba’s last four movies for you, considering you all know what Playboy is.

Jessica Alba, in the past couple of years, has had the pleasure of starring in -

Honey – Alba plays a hip hop dancer, who rarely wears much in the way of clothing. She is hired as a back up dancer because she is hot. Honey gets enraged that people think she is simply hot and tries to prove that she is more than that.

Fantastic 4 – Alba plays the Invisible Woman, Sue Storm, who must get naked for her power of invisibility to work properly.

Sin City – Alba plays a Stripper. She strips in a cowboy outfit. Men everywhere rejoice.

Into The Blue – Able is adorned in a bikini for 75% of the movie. Director John Stockwell makes sure there are numerous slow motion shots of Alba in said bikini. Alba calls it a harmless popcorn flick.

Sin City 2 - Coming in 2006. Alba reprises her role as said Stripper from the first movie. Men everywhere continue rejoicing.

And you’re telling me that Alba has objections to appearing clothed in Playboy? I think the phrase, “the proof is in the pudding” says everything I want to say.